I try to be the first to acknowledge my faults. Someone told me today, in a joking manner, that "everyone knows you create drama everywhere you go." It gutted me... because I know it's true. I hate being that person that "creates drama"... I so desperately want to be a calmer version of my fun-loving self. It's been what I'm most proactive in becoming. I'm also constantly thinking about how to truly fall in love with my own company. When everyone walks out, I want to be able to still be happy alone. Because lonely times will always come and I want to be okay with that, and still find happiness within myself.
I've always been an independent person, though I've kept a choice few around me, because as life would have it, I just "fell in love" with who certain people are, and what my life was like because of their presence. But... as time goes on, and I continue to get older... I let my mind focus more on myself, and less on others. I'm all I've got, really, when it comes down to it. And I want to live the healthiest life possible, inside and out.
What makes me happiest in my life is laughing with friends, and losing weight because I want to be healthy and love my own skin. So, some friends and I decided to do a "biggest loser" competition between ourselves. You know me, turn anything into a game and BRING IT ON! I find myself focusing all of my energies back onto the gym and losing weight, and it's a wonderful feeling. It's funny how changing my body into a healthier being also affects my mind. I forget how good it felt to work out, and it's all coming back to me, and it's fabulous. I committed to the gym for 3 months, and I'm super duper excited for the physical (and mental transformation) I believe these next few months will bring. Woo to the Hoo! Exciting! :D
All this to say, I read something really amazing that Paulo Coehlo wrote (and other stuff he has written has fueled my self discovery lately). He is this super awesome author that I adore. He always writes the most thought provoking stuff, and I love getting into convo's with people who find his words just as fascinating as I do. I wanted to share this writing that he wrote, because I thought it was powerful.
"Our allies
Our allies will not necessarily be the kind of dazzling people to whom everyone looks up and of whom they say: ‘There’s none better.’
On the contrary, they are people who are not afraid of making mistakes and who do, therefore, make mistakes, which is why their work often goes unrecognized.
Yet they are just the kind of people who transform the world and, after many mistakes, manage to do something that can make a real difference in their community.
They are people who can’t bear to sit around waiting for things to happen in order to decide which attitude to adopt; they decide as they act, well aware that this could prove highly dangerous. Living with such people is important because we need to realize that before we face our goal, we must first feel free enough to change direction.
Yet they are just the kind of people who transform the world and, after many mistakes, manage to do something that can make a real difference in their community.
They are people who can’t bear to sit around waiting for things to happen in order to decide which attitude to adopt; they decide as they act, well aware that this could prove highly dangerous. Living with such people is important because we need to realize that before we face our goal, we must first feel free enough to change direction.
Join with all those who experiment, take risks, fall, get hurt and then take more risks.
Stay away from those who affirm truths, who criticise those who do not think like them, people who have never once taken a step unless they were sure they would be respected for doing so, and who prefer certainties to doubts.
Stay away from those who affirm truths, who criticise those who do not think like them, people who have never once taken a step unless they were sure they would be respected for doing so, and who prefer certainties to doubts.
Join with those who sing, tell stories, take pleasure in life, and have joy in their eyes, because joy is contagious and can prevent others from becoming paralysed by depression, loneliness and difficulties."
My thoughts: I truly love the part that I bolded. I think it's imperative to find the courage and make the daily choice to change direction when you realize that you're somewhere you don't want to be, even if people don't believe you can change. I used to believe that change wasn't possible, because I got stuck in such a rut that I couldn't possibly fathom I'd change. I'd say I would, that I wanted to, but when it comes to WHO we are, words mean nothing and actions mean everything. I've made about a majillion (that number is a number beyond comprehension) mistakes, and I've suffered greatly from them, in ways people will never understand. But, at the same time... I'm learning from them. I'm the kind of person that gets stuck in cycles somehow. I may know the answer, but the follow-through is difficult. But lately, the follow-through is becoming evident in my day to day life. I see my instant reactions change to a healthier reaction instead of my once crazy overreaction (it's that drama creating gene in me somehow), I feel my body slowly but surely realizing that a healthy lifestyle is the truest way to happiness, I find my heart healing, and my mind focusing on the things that really and truly matter instead of on circumstances that may be difficult that I cannot change because the choice is not my own. I'm thankful for my OWN allies. The people who remind me that it's okay to fall, it's okay to hit rock bottom as long as you stand up the MOMENT you feel any sort of strength. That my life is my own, and we all make our own choices and should never take away others. That each day really is freakin' special, and sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if more people TRULY lived this way. That when I'm in my room alone, and tears fall, that I'm never truly alone... I'll always have myself, and I'll always have God... no matter what. That I don't want to be surrounded by people that live in fear, that don't challenge themselves in anyway, that constantly say how scared they are. MAN UP!!! This is our LIFE! Why aren't we living it? Why do we let circumstances or other people's choices affect our lives so desperately? We cannot change circumstances, and we cannot change what other people want, but SURELY we can change ourselves, and we can learn to live with what life has given us... and seriously make the best of it, and our time. My allies are people that give me a shoulder when I REALLY need it and a slap in the face when I'm being ridiculous or unnecessarily sensitive. My allies are people that show me life through their perspective just by living, whether or not they are in my day to day life. You'd be surprised how much people see that they don't ever mention.
So when I open my eyes, I realize I have more "allies" than I thought I did. People that remind us that life is ALWAYS worth living, no matter the circumstances that surround us. So here's to my allies, thanks for being in my corner... It means more than you know. <3
I really love this post Jodi. You have such a wonderful way with words. I miss you, and I am so proud of you and your goals!
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